Hi, my name is Jocelyn and I am an addict.

So, I've developed a kind of... problem lately. It really isn't so much a problem as a habit that has the potential to develop into a problem down the road. I have become rather addicted to buying stuff online. Blast paypal and their simplification of the whole process. Sephora and Etsy are the biggest culprits. For some reason, I feel guilty at the idea of buying anything electronic/media-related, but my knees go weak at the mere sight of a costmetics/jewelry sale. I suppose it's because I can justify the money spent--I really, really do need to replace pretty much my entire makeup/jewelry collection.

Everything that I own, aside from a few recently-purchased items, is leftover from high school or middle school. And at 22, I just do not have the same taste that I did at 14 (thankfully); not to mention that most of it is cheap crap from Claire's that turns my neck green. None of the makeup aside from some lip gloss and maybe an eyeshadow palette or two is that old because, well, ew. But I've come to the conclusion/discovery that most of the makeup that I've been using for the past few years just is not cooperating with my skin. My trusted Covergirl mascara is causing horrible redness/swelling around my eyes if worn for an entire day (and it's only a month old) and everytime I use my practically brand new foundation my skin breaks out. I stopped wearing makeup for a good four years, and in that time my skin changed a LOT.

Now that I'm getting ready to work full time and want to use it again, I find myself needing to start pretty much from scratch. And I really think my best bet is to go the slightly more expensive route and try mineral/organic makeup that is designed for people with sensitive skin. I'm already loving the difference between the crappy Claire's eyeshadow I've used since infancy and my new Sephora colourbox. I never knew makeup could feel so wonderful. And I felt wonderful yesterday, which was a huge plus for my job interview.

And that's where this whole thing comes down to. I am working really hard right now to regain my confidence and become healthier and happier. I don't want to be a new person because I love the person I already am. But at my current state, I don't feel like a grown up or the successful woman I know that I can be. I want to refresh all of me, not just certain parts. Working out, eating healthy, and learning how to do all of the things I've always wanted to but thought I couldn't: that is what my life is about right now.

I've done the personal growth, the work on the inside, and now it's time to really focus on my outside because let's face it, that's something I've neglected for a LONG time. I can't keep making excuses because there aren't any.

So despite the damage that I've done lately to my bank account, I think in the end it's goign to be so worth it. I just need to work even harder on landing that full-time job I've been searching for so I can continue to support this new habit (and work on a few self-control techniques to prevent it from truly becoming an addiction).

Speaking of jobs, I had my first interview yesterday with Target reps for a store executive team leader. It went well, I think, for how unprepared I was. I'm not sure if I will get an offer, but then again I'm not really sure if I am the type of person cut out for being an assistant store manager (which is basically what 'executive team leader' means). I have other jobs more closely-related to my skill sets that I'm preparing applications for. Hopefully I can score further interviews and secure at least one of them.

I wish I could continue working where I am right now, but I just don't think they're looking to hire anyone full-time. Pity, because I love it there. Ah well. C'est la view... at least I have this to look forward to in the mail 3-5 business days from now:

Item# Qty Price Amt Description
1173111 1 $8.00 $8.00 SEPHORA COLLECTION/SEPHORA PURE Mascara/Panther Black
942086 1 $18.00 $18.00 Smashbox/Photo Op Under Eye Brightener/0.24 oz
1136878 1 $0.00 $0.00 Sample/Bare Escentuals RareMinerals Purely Nourishing Facial Moisturizer - 0.3 oz
1155803 1 $0.00 $0.00 Sample/Bliss FatGirlScrub - 0.5 oz
1203850 1 $0.00 $0.00 Sample/Kat Von D Sinner Eau de Parfum - 0.05 oz
1073063 1 $18.00 $18.00 Bare Escentuals/bareMinerals Multi-Tasking Face/0.08 oz Bisque SPF 20
1176551 1 $6.00 $6.00 SEPHORA COLLECTION/SEPHORA PURE Lipgloss/Peach Blossom
1243575 1 $0.00 $0.00 Smashbox/Photo Finish Targeted Pore & Line Primer Lab Sample/Photo Finish Targeted Pore & Line Primer

:D