On asking your boyfriend to marry you
My relationship is anything but traditional. We're generally laid back and just don't do the whole romance thing very well. Don't get me wrong - Terrell and I have our sweet moments, but they're usually within the context of our weirdness (hence the existence of sickening pet names for one another which I will not be repeating on the Internet). So, I suppose it makes perfect sense that we would approach marriage from a totally nontraditional standpoint.
Four weeks ago, my mom and brothers came for a visit. Time with my family is always chaotic, but having Terrell around helped calm the waters for all of us. Halfway into the evening, as Terrell was making dinner in the kitchen and I looked at him and just knew. When we were alone in the back of the apartment, I asked him if he'd marry me and he said yes. Because I had been just a smidge on the tipsy side from too much red wine the night before, I double-checked his answer in the morning and it was still the same. And that's about it.
Of course having a more "romantic" story to tell might be nice, but I like the simplicity of two people realizing that they want to build a life together and committing to it together without needing to make some symbolic gesture. I never wanted a surprise proposal, and we've been talking marriage and getting engaged since July, so why not go for it myself? Waiting around for him to make up his mind and tell me seems silly. If we're both ready, then we're ready and it shouldn't matter who pops the question. Plus, it took the pressure off of him to try and figure out what kind of ring I'd like and plan something that I would have inevitably ruined on accident (because I'm really, really good at that!). A number of websites have informed me that I have totally emasculated him, crushed his manhood, and even insinuated that now he is "65% man while I am 110% desperate and needy"... but I think--no, I know--that's bullshit.
So now I am engaged. Which still feels rather weird. We didn't tell anyone for a week, then told our moms. Mine was ecstatic, of course, but his needed some time to get used to the idea which makes sense when you factor in that I am the eldest of my family where he is the baby. My family is happy to be marrying me off because mine will be the first, but I think Terrell's family still sees him as a child much of the time (and he sort of is :D). Another week went by and we finally told the rest of our families and made it "Facebook official" (dear god, this is the way our society works now, isn't it?) which was kind of weird for me but the reactions were pleasant and enthusiastic.
I suppose it feels weird mostly because I never saw myself getting married until my thirties, if ever at all. Also, I don't have a ring. People keep asking to see the ring when they find out, and all I can do is shrug. It's not that there won't be a ring - we've picked one out and plan on getting it once we can reasonably afford the expense. Truth be told, just like I'm not one for big, showy gestures, I'm not big on the idea of a ring. I detest diamonds and everything they stand for - plus, I find most engagement rings to be hideous and/or boring. Rows upon rows of diamond rings just look so sad and lookalike. It's just not my thing. The ring I've chosen features a pearl as the center stone with two small lab-created white sapphires, and it's absolutely perfect. Inexpensive, beautiful and something I will enjoy wearing for the next two-three years. And isn't that what it's all about?
So now, I plan. Sort of. We're not getting married anytime soon because frankly neither of us has the money to do so and even if we did, too much is up in the air right now for that kind of event to occur. He's about to graduate from college next month and we honestly don't know what job(s) he may find around here, if any at all. It's going to be scary and unsettling for a while, but I know we can handle it. This blog is supposed to be about me, so wedding stuff is probably going to become a major focal point, so get used to it :)
With these things there's no telling
We'll just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
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