My relationship is doomed.

See? Can't even take a cute picture!

While he was visiting his family in Massachusetts last week, my boyfriend's aunt told him that we should probably break up. Her reasoning? We are each so clumsy that one of us is likely to inadvertently kill the other in the future. Sadly, she is probably correct.

I am a walking disaster. I have fallen down the stairs at least four times in the past four years. I routinely lose my balance while standing on perfectly flat surfaces, and regularly trip over nothing. I drop things, break things, run into things, step on things, slip on things, etc. Probably once a week or more, I roll over and almost fall out of bed. Terrell usually rescues me, grabbing hold of one of my desperately flailing arms to pull me back over the edge and into safety. But sometimes he's not there, and let me tell you: hardwood floor hurts when you fall on it. I don't dare roller skate, ice skate, or do pretty much anything that involves using balance because I have none. It's basically a miracle that I haven't broken every single one of my bones yet (or even one of them... *shifty eyes*).

Terrell isn't nearly as bad, but he has his moments. Clumsiness, mostly. He's good at the whole balance thing because of his martial arts training growing up. But he has this tendency to, well... injure me. It sounds horrible, but I promise you, it has never been intentional. He just seems to aim his mishaps in my direction.

I've been burned three times in my life. Two of those times were caused by Terrell lifting a hot pan off the stove while cooking and accidentally touching it to my arm. The first time was him being stupid, but the second happened in our new apartment while I was doing dishes and he was cooking. Tiny kitchen sink + tiny stove = disaster waiting to happen. Especially when you are us.

He also has a rather bad habit of smacking me in the face. This usually happens when we're in bed, he'll roll over or move his arm and my face will be in the way. Monday night, our first time seeing each other in two weeks, I leaned over to kiss him and his elbow connected with my jaw. Of course. The other time it frequently happens is during intimate times. I'll just let you use your imagination there. Fortunately, I don't bruise easily and I am finally off coumadin so his general lack of limb control won't cause my coworkers to peg me as a battered woman.

We do watch out for each other, though. He has to watch out for me a bit more, of course, because I am more than lacking in the motor functions department. But I worry slightly about the potential for one of us to cause great, accidental, stupid harm to the other if we continue down this path. And what if we have children? Hopefully they would inherit his motor skills vs. mine, or at least his ability to stand upright for more than a few minutes without falling over... but who knows. They could end up a bunch of wobbly freaks with spastic arms who can't be trusted in any room not lined with pillows.

I guess time (and genetics) will tell.

And also the whole "let's get married and/or have kids for serious this time" discussion.

And probably the whole managing to get pregnant thing. Because it's likely I am actually infertile after all, making the whole birth-control-almost-killing-me ordeal last year a worthless endeavor. Though I have no solid proof of this, it's one of those things that sits in the back of my mind, occasionally ringing the bell at the front desk and making that impatient clearing-the-throat noise. Because wouldn't it just figure that I'd spend so much time trying not to become with child only to find out when I want to that I can't.

I guess that's probably a fear many women have. Especially those of us who watched Sex and the City episodes where Charlotte discovers her infertility.

Anyway, I have veered way off track. I suppose as long as we continue to have conversations like this one from earlier tonight, we'll be okay:

Terrell: Just so you know, I'm putting the mandolin blade in the drying rack, so...

Me: So, don't go near the sink?

Terrell: I was gonna say 'be careful', but knowing you I think 'don't go near the sink' is the better choice.

And no, I haven't gone near the sink.