Perfection! (Engagement Ring: Found)

I've been engaged for over a month now, but didn't have a ring until this week - which has been a tad difficult to explain to some people. In all of my girlhood fantasies about getting married (you know you had them, too) I never put much thought--if any--on the ring. Perhaps it's because I'm not a big fan of rings to begin with, or maybe because in almost every TV show/movie with engaged/married characters the ring is usually a diamond solitaire or some other gigantic rock. And hey, plenty of women are just fine with that, and I really can't lambaste the choices of others too much when I rock my own set of traditions. Nothing is wrong with going for classic or traditional, but I think that too many women (and their men) get duped by the wedding industry and current societal norms into choosing a diamond when they could be happier with something else.

Diamonds are the classic, traditional choice and from my limited time spent on wedding planning message boards of late, most women damn near demand them -- but why exactly is that? Evolutionary psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa has an interesting take on it:

Diamonds make excellent courtship gifts from this perspective because they are simultaneously very expensive and lack intrinsic value. No man (or woman) can be inherently interested in diamonds; you cannot drive them, you cannot live in them, you cannot do anything with them. Any man who would buy diamonds for a woman must be interested in making an investment in her. Flowers, another favored gift for women, are also relatively expensive and lack intrinsic value. Of course, diamonds and flowers are beautiful, but they are beautiful precisely because they are expensive and lack intrinsic value, which is why it is mostly women who think flowers and diamonds are beautiful. Their beauty lies in their inherent uselessness; this is why Volvos and potatoes are not beautiful. (source)

Whether or not this is entirely true (I'm guessing a bit heaping YES is in order), my relationship has never been about things. We haven't done a whole lot of gift exchanges and when we do, it's not a big emphasis. I put more into the cards I get or make Terrell every year than gifts, and he's just as low-key when picking things out for me. I don't need him to buy me things to show me he'd be a good provider because I already know this through his actions (and besides, I can provide very well for myself, thank you very much). I also object ethically to diamonds because they are a product of misery - hello, Blood Diamond?

For me, the idea of having a diamond ring goes beyond my personal and ethical objections. It just isn't me. Before I got engaged, I wanted a claddagh ring. I won't lie that the main inspiration for this comes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I also love the symbolism behind claddagh rings and thought that would be a really interesting and fun way to express what the ring meant. But after actually becoming engaged, I realized that the claddagh ring has no real significance for me when it comes to heritage. Terrell's last name is Irish, but he's not and neither am I, really (I may have a tiny bit of Irish in my DNA but not enough to matter - kinda like those people who claim they're 1/84th Native American and think it actually means something).

So I began to look for something to suit my tastes and preferences, and that's when I stumbled upon the beauty that is pearl rings. I love pearls and find they suit my skintone far better than most gemstones, so why not go for one as an engagement ring? If I'm gonna wear the thing for a few years/my entire life, it might as well be something that I really want to have on me. We started looking quite literally the day after we got engaged because we were at the mall and I'd been waiting for that moment when I could realistically look at the pretties for YEARS and gosh darnit, he was gonna let me. *ahem*

The diamonds that the over-zealous salesman at Kay's shoved onto my finger summed up my previous notions that it just wasn't my style. They were so pushy that we declined to return once we had decided to look for pearls, and instead we made visits to a whole slew of other stores. At first, it was about finding a ring that could serve as a placeholder for a "better" ring in the future, but I realized that was silly. I'd rather have the ring we choose not be The Ring because it's special and meaningful. And I really think better money could be spent on a vacation or a really awesome pasta maker in the future than yet another piece of symbolic jewelry.

So we shopped around and eventually settled on this little beauty from Zales:

The pearl is small but beautiful and the flanking stones are lab-created sapphires. This suited my ethical and personal tastes and the price was outstandingly cheap because the ring is a part of their birthstone collection vs. engagement rings. So, that was it and we were all ready to plunk the money down online and order it (because the one in the store was at least $40 more... damn commissions).

And then... I found it. I work in downtown Syracuse close to a nice little shopping and restaurant district called Armory Square (named so because of the super awesome armory-turned-science museum that sits in the heart of it all). Most of my lunch hours find me wandering down there for a cup of coffee or just a nice place to walk around and stretch my legs. Tucked into a space down a bricked alleyway between two buildings is a little shop I like to visit cleverly named Way Off The Beaten Path. For some reason, it didn't occur to me that I might find something there, but I remembered suddenly a couple of weeks ago and hastened myself there as soon as my break began. After browsing through one counter and trying on a few choices, I was led by the saleswoman to the counter at the shop's entrance and she introduced me to what I will now and forever affectionately call my Moon Ring:

The center stone is a pearl and the accent is a diamond. The silver band has been hand-etched and it's all cool and texturey. It's a lot bigger than anything I was originally looking for, but I love how it looks and would never trade. After talking it over for a week or so, Terrell met me downtown on Monday and we bought the ring. I gave it to him after the purchase was complete and told him he could give it back to me when and how he chose. We had a very wonderful, heartfelt moment together on Wednesday and that's when he slipped it onto my finger. Low-key, yes - but a moment to remember for the rest of my life.

Pearls are soft and very susceptible to damage, so I'm going to have to be really careful with this baby but so far things have gone well. If you're thinking of a pearl engagement/wedding ring yourself, go for it! But remember that they aren't meant for true day-to-day wear so you have to be prepared to either replace the pearl eventually or do what I plan on and retire the E-ring after the wedding.

We've decided that we would like to get custom wedding bands made that compliment one another to exchange during the ceremony. Like I said at the beginning of this post, I'm not big on rings so wearing two at once really isn't my cup of tea. I will gladly wear just the one band continuously on my left hand and switch to wearing my moon ring on the right when it suits me. Until that time comes, I will be blinging around with my awesome ring and remembering what it symbolizes each time I look down. /mushiness

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I really need to stop being lazy when it comes to dinner

Cheez-its are delicious, but they aren't dinner. Even though I seem to think so. Neither is ice cream, half a chocolate Easter bunny (the head, natch) or trail mix. Snacks, Jocelyn, do not = dinner. Sure, my calories more or less equal out but it's obvs far better to have veggies and chicken over junk. (And no, for the record, I did not eat all of the above in one sitting - that I can at least be honest about haha.)

I must get over my anti-cooking attitude before it destroys me. As soon as this moving adventure is complete, I vow to make one new recipe a week and post about it in this blog.

Breakfast and lunch are easy. I love lunch, it's my best meal of the day and I plan it out so nicely. But dinner just doesn't happen unless Terrell is involved or I order out, which is bad for my wallet and my diet. Plarg.

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When craaaazy weather attacks

When it comes to weather, Syracuse, NY is known for its massive yearly snow accumulation. Each year, we compete (and usually cream everyone else) for a Golden Snowball award trophy and news crews trot out a few times between the months of November/December through... well, May, some years to film pieces on our incredible, edible (jaykay--unless you want to grow a third arm from all the Onondaga Lake pollution) snow. This winter was no different, and in fact not only did we win this year's trophy by a landslide (179.0" to Rochester's 127.0") but 97 consecutive hours of snow back in December brought a staggering 44.3" of that total dropping down on us. It was a long, cold, snowy winter here in the 'Cuse -- and while I didn't outright hate it, I was SO beyond ready when spring weather came knocking.

Only so much of this a girl can take!

And it's here! Finally! Shining sun, warm breeze, the chance to wear cute sandals and sip iced coffee while reading outside on my lunch hour... I've salivated over such things since mid-February, and now the time has arrived only to bring with it massive amounts of rain. The saying goes that April showers bring May flowers, and I do hope so but it's going to be awfully difficult for those flowers to grow if the ground is too wet to plant them in the first place. This has been one of the rainiest Aprils that Syracuse has seen, and after today I can't imagine it's going to get any less wet.

The day began with a damp, foggy morning which blossomed into a muggy, sunshiny afternoon. As 3:00 neared, clouds began to roll in, dark and thick and the air felt heavy with the promise of a storm. Not going to lie, I was super excited! Thunderstorms were an integral part of the spring and summer months for me growing up in central Ohio, and I sometimes miss the spine-tingling beauty they bring. Syracuse gets thunderstorms, of course, but not nearly as many and, during my 5 years as a resident, not quite as intense. I don't miss daily tornado warnings, but I do love a good storm. Which is why I was like a kid the night before Christmas as the clouds came in and the sky grew darker. And man, oh man, we were in for something wild.

Scary.

The "view" out the window during the height of the storm.

Through the howling wind, driving rain and curious whirling of the clouds (my suspicions on funnel activity were confirmed by reports following the storm.. I moved here to get away from that stuff, damnit!) it was the hail that truly stole the show. I've seen hail before, but never like this: 

Wild. Just wild. And thus begins spring in Syracuse... it's gonna be fun.

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Moving Progress: 1/100%

I've come to realize over the past year that I am the kind of person who needs goals and deadlines. I did very well in school, but never as well as those projects and papers where I was up until the crack of dawn, eating coffee beans whole and working like a madwoman to finish in time. Even when I set aside time to work on assignments gradually so I wouldn't have to pull an insane all-nighter I would inevitably find myself staring at blank pages or rearranging my farm on Farmville rather than do the work. Somehow, I always managed to come up with something brilliant at the last minute. Those quiet, desperate hours produced some of the finest work I've ever done, though how is a complete mystery.

And this translates to everything else in my life as well. I am notorious for putting off simple, basic household chores until the dishes are piled to the ceiling or the cat has been lost under a turbulent sea of dirty and clean clothes tossed haphazardly together. Only when I know someone will be coming over and the risk of my mess becoming public knowledge is imminent do I spring into action and clean the shit out of every single room and surface. It usually lasts a week or so before the disaster area creeps back in. Under a deadline, with a goal in front of me I am golden. At work, I find myself scrambling to produce at least twice my projected daily and weekly goals. Which isn't a bad thing, of course, but it does amuse my less anal coworkers.

I wish I could figure out a way to harness that manic productivity I am imbued with during special occasions and use it in small doses every day. I'm trying -- I've consistently done one load of dishes every day since Saturday, and the pileup has shrunk significantly. Must convince my Zumba'd-out self to tackle a load tonight, though, or I'll be back where I started by tomorrow. I'm also trying to think of ways to minimize the number of dishes (and clothes and things) we have, period, so there isn't as much room for the disaster to manifest. Moving will help, but I'm struggling with that as well because the deadline is technically May 31st... a LONG time away from now, and I can't get myself motivated to work on something that I've got more than a month to complete.

But we got boxes from Liquor City over the weekend, and I am determined to move at least some clothes and dishes to the new apartment by this weekend. If the weather can make up its mind whether it wants to be cold or finally warm up, that is...

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On asking your boyfriend to marry you

My relationship is anything but traditional. We're generally laid back and just don't do the whole romance thing very well. Don't get me wrong - Terrell and I have our sweet moments, but they're usually within the context of our weirdness (hence the existence of sickening pet names for one another which I will not be repeating on the Internet). So, I suppose it makes perfect sense that we would approach marriage from a totally nontraditional standpoint.

Four weeks ago, my mom and brothers came for a visit. Time with my family is always chaotic, but having Terrell around helped calm the waters for all of us. Halfway into the evening, as Terrell was making dinner in the kitchen and I looked at him and just knew. When we were alone in the back of the apartment, I asked him if he'd marry me and he said yes. Because I had been just a smidge on the tipsy side from too much red wine the night before, I double-checked his answer in the morning and it was still the same. And that's about it.

Of course having a more "romantic" story to tell might be nice, but I like the simplicity of two people realizing that they want to build a life together and committing to it together without needing to make some symbolic gesture. I never wanted a surprise proposal, and we've been talking marriage and getting engaged since July, so why not go for it myself? Waiting around for him to make up his mind and tell me seems silly. If we're both ready, then we're ready and it shouldn't matter who pops the question. Plus, it took the pressure off of him to try and figure out what kind of ring I'd like and plan something that I would have inevitably ruined on accident (because I'm really, really good at that!). A number of websites have informed me that I have totally emasculated him, crushed his manhood, and even insinuated that now he is "65% man while I am 110% desperate and needy"... but I think--no, I know--that's bullshit.

So now I am engaged. Which still feels rather weird. We didn't tell anyone for a week, then told our moms. Mine was ecstatic, of course, but his needed some time to get used to the idea which makes sense when you factor in that I am the eldest of my family where he is the baby. My family is happy to be marrying me off because mine will be the first, but I think Terrell's family still sees him as a child much of the time (and he sort of is :D). Another week went by and we finally told the rest of our families and made it "Facebook official" (dear god, this is the way our society works now, isn't it?) which was kind of weird for me but the reactions were pleasant and enthusiastic.

I suppose it feels weird mostly because I never saw myself getting married until my thirties, if ever at all. Also, I don't have a ring. People keep asking to see the ring when they find out, and all I can do is shrug. It's not that there won't be a ring - we've picked one out and plan on getting it once we can reasonably afford the expense. Truth be told, just like I'm not one for big, showy gestures, I'm not big on the idea of a ring. I detest diamonds and everything they stand for - plus, I find most engagement rings to be hideous and/or boring. Rows upon rows of diamond rings just look so sad and lookalike. It's just not my thing. The ring I've chosen features a pearl as the center stone with two small lab-created white sapphires, and it's absolutely perfect. Inexpensive, beautiful and something I will enjoy wearing for the next two-three years. And isn't that what it's all about?

So now, I plan. Sort of. We're not getting married anytime soon because frankly neither of us has the money to do so and even if we did, too much is up in the air right now for that kind of event to occur. He's about to graduate from college next month and we honestly don't know what job(s) he may find around here, if any at all. It's going to be scary and unsettling for a while, but I know we can handle it. This blog is supposed to be about me, so wedding stuff is probably going to become a major focal point, so get used to it :)

So if you wanna be with me
With these things there's no telling
We'll just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery

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